HALLOWEEN, SECOND ENTRY, NAPTIME!

Hello again!

I thought I would take this time to start writing since it is nap time for us, and things are quieter around here now! Today is Halloween, and I am so excited to take my 'Buzz Lightyear' Trick-Or-Treating for his very first time. Reason being I am so excited is unfortunately Halloween 2008 our Carson at only 2 months was hospitalized due to a lung exacerbation as a result of CF. Point being,and listen closely...WE MADE IT THROUGH THAT TWO WEEK STAY ALIVE AND BACK TO HEALTH, AND NOW WERE HERE ON HALLOWEEN 2009 AND TAKING CARSON TRICK-OR-TREATING FOR THE FIRST TIME AND THAT MEANS THE WORLD TO US.

Earlier this morning Carson and I went to Wal-Mart last minute to pick up his coustume. On several seperate occasions we encountered three seperate...people? We met Raggidy Anne, a cat, and even a reindeer.Got it? Walmarts employees? Carson seemed pretty dumbfounded as to what was going on, but it was somewhat amsuing to him as much as them. I think what gets me the most as a mother battling(a term  will refer to over and over again, because that is what CF is...One BIG battle) CF is, it's as
if I almost feel something eating at me from inside as these people are admiring my "ideal, to perfection...from the outside" child!

That reindeer,cat, even Raggidy Anne they can't see what my childs body is going through on the inside! He's fighting people can't you see! I feel as though my emotions, my heart are all fighting within my own mind.I always become madened as my mind goes in circle after circle! Do these people know what I am going through? Do they understand what I feel like? Am I showing it on my face?

It's almost a feeling of jealousy I can say for myself. Why my child? How can things like this happen to an innocent life? How can their be a God? These are all questions that you will contemplate over and over again, especially during your infants first year of life. You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it!

That is what I believe is the basis, and the starting point to dealing with CF. It's a battle that you can never fully understand, but must grip. One that must never be surrendered  to, or forfeited. As a mother, father, grandparent, this will be the hardest battle you will ever fight, but it's one thats worth fighting for, every last damn mintue of it! Got it? Ending with a bam! God bless.